dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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