I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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