remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
