I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
