Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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