Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
