He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
