He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
