you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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