3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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