so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
