The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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