two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I see more hoeing in ur future
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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