Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
