I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
