is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
