Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
