The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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