So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
