Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
