dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
