God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
We have started to decorate penises.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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