I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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