is your mom at the bar?
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
