Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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