you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
