i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
