Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
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