after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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