so let's talk penis.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
