It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
