"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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