Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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