I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
