He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
