i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
