Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I feel like death gave me a hand job
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
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