I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
