My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Randomize
