mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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