butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
