your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
ttyl tear gas
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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