just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
