OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
