Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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