I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
