On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
