'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
