All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
