I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
